2 days of unending rain and grayness. This morning, I was driving over the Fifth Street bridge, complaining in my head about how annoying it is when the windshield fogs up. Then I looked to my right and saw a man walking across the bridge with a flimsy hood pulled down over his head. Walking. I felt like such a jerk, like I do so frequently these days. Life is so good to me and yet each day of self-development seems slow and grueling. Each day, I try to step back from my self and my petty problems and truly see the world and the people in it. Some days I fall flat.

Yesterday my partner and I drove over an hour in torrential rain to take care of our patients who live afar. Some days I really dread that clinic. Yesterday, I felt like what we were doing mattered. We welcomed back into the fold people who had been lost to our care due to the circumstances in their lives. By loving them and encouranging their success in their treatment, we take one more step toward eradicating the virus. It's a strange war, but an important one.

Sometimes I feel more successful in the war on HIV than I do in my own life. The emotions and conditions of 5 people living together has its moments. I feel forgotten and pushed aside by friends that I once had so much contact with. But I have learned through the years that the important thing is to always keep reaching out. Never give up on the people you love. What at once seems hopeless can blossom into a thing of beauty.

We have a patient who comes by our office once a month to pick up his medicines. He could get them at the pharmacy but he prefers to come to us. I think he just enjoys coming to see us. He cooks things for us and waxes philosophical in our little lobby. And in our corner of the city, the stigma of HIV does not exist. We make sure of it.

The foggy windshield finds where it belongs in my consciousness if I work diligently at my vision.