08 February 2012

Pushing Past my Ass

Determined to shake this work/winter/fatigue rut I've been in. Pushing past my ass, in the words of an incredibly dear midwife friend. Walking across 12th street to the post office, I was reminded of how much more I can see when I am walking, up close on things. Not flying by in my car with the radio on, low and aimless. My craft room sits dormant, the poetry in my head drowning in prescription refills and Kenlalog injections. I will walk more.

Trying to break out any little way I can.

Thinking about a full-length collection about being a nurse. So much to laugh about. So much sadness. So many who could say more and say it all better than I. But so what?

Thinking of my virtual friend Jo, who always manages to tend to herself and express herself and all that. I am using her for inspiration. She takes a lot of pictures of herself. But, you know. If she didn't I guess she wouldn't inspire me quite so much. I am, after all, a visual person.

Thinking of Joe and how much he means to me. Tonight at the grocery, I saw a mother in an Arby's blouse with her four kids and I felt humbled. I've been given so much. Maybe at times it doesn't seem that way, but may I never forget how much I have been given.

Moment. By moment. Today at work? Sucked. Left work at 5:30 and had to go by Food Lion. Ordinarily I'd feel exhausted and sorry for myself, but this time I tried just digging the moment. It worked pretty well.

Of course, I don't have PMS this week, either.

The past few months of packing and moving have been one long exercise in pushing past my ass. It's been absolutely grueling at times. But slowly, things are settling into place and I become more able to function. I am one who tends toward fatigue, unfortunately.  But somehow, I feel myself growing stronger every day. The hard things do grow us.

1 comment:

Jo said...

I think you tend toward fatigue because you do a hundred times more than you realize.

And I find it so funny that I inspire you, because you've been inspiring me and informing my aesthetic for more than 12 years now.

I'll keep taking pictures.