27 February 2012


A friend is writing a history about a nonprofit birth advocacy group in our state. I was one of the founding sisters of that group, so the invitation was extended to me to help fill in my piece of the story. Because I was there and all. But I didn't respond- I allowed the other founder from our local group to take care of it. Because, well, I don't really want to talk about it. That's a lot of emotion to stir up. How did I have so much time to get that group going, to travel to other cities every few months for day-long meetings? How did I ever have so much passion for something? Seems so long ago.

And anyway, I think too hard and too much. I've been given this moment and I will choose to live in it. I live in gratefulness that my husband did not just get blown up in Afghanistan. That I did not just bury my own child. That yesterday I was able to buy my girls new sneakers and hold and kiss my grandson.

Sometimes I get too egotistical and want to believe that I am supposed to do something amazing in the world. But I can't even get a set of blinds up in my house. Need to focus in a bit more. Relish the days I have left with my children who are growing and sprouting wings and learning to fly on out of this little coop.

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